Cloudy!

I have been shooting a tremendous number of sessions over the past several weeks. I had to purchase a project manager app (that I love, btw!) for my iPad just to keep up! It's hideous, the dates all run together, the "busy day peaks" look like plateaus, there are red reminders everywhere... But, it does help and if it says "Britni's invite to press" then you bet if I have to work until 2 in the morning to get the invite to press, then that's what I have to do! I don't remember the last time I went to bed before 1 a.m. And I still have my full time job to get up and go to everyday, and that is getting harder and harder to do. Not so much because of the sleep, but just because it feels wrong sitting behind my monitor all day. I used to feel somewhat balanced, a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of kid stuff in between. But lately work has been consuming so much of my brain power that when I finally get to look through my lens I see gray. I'm looking through the lens trying to pose my subject but my brain is thinking about the work week. The connection between me and my subjects is fuzzy. Distracted. Cloudy. That's not the kind of photographer I want to be. If people wanted that they'd go to wal-mart. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but how often does a portrait from wal-mart take your breath away. Or make you scream uncontrollably non-stop for five minutes straight when you pull it out of the envelope. My pictures have done that. I want to keep doing that. I love that a picture can give you confidence you didn't know was in there. I love how a picture can say I love you more than words can. I wonder if it is really just fear that is holding me back. Time will tell, and lots of prayer, of course,

My Lord, I thank You for all that you have enabled me to do this far. I thank you for what lies ahead. I thank you for shooting through me. Keep showing me what you want me to do Lord. I trust You, Father, and I know you will lead me, i just need to listen. I thank you for standing beside me and giving me strength Lord, all that I am is because of you and your love for me. Thank You, thank You, thank You.